First Reading: 1 Sam 1:20-22.24-28; Psalm: 84. R. v. 5a; Second Reading: 1 Jn 3:1-2.21-24; Gospel: Lk 2:41-52
THE TEENAGE JESUS
BY FR VALENTINE NNAMDI EGBUONU, MSP
Some years back, my younger brother had a fight with one of my elder sisters. I cannot remember exactly the bone of contention, but it was a fierce fight. I just stood and watched and didn’t know exactly what to say or do to end the fight. It was just the three of us by the house. My teenage brother was a handful and in a fit of rage he’s difficult to tame. In protest for the mistreatment from my sister, he left the house and didn’t return. My parents and every member of the family got worried when he failed to return home by nightfall. And the search for him began immediately. We found him after two days. I could still recall how my dad and mom though visibly angry and disappointed tried to hold back. But the ambience of the house that evening was sulky. Today, this brother of mine has grown to become a responsible young man.
Raising a teenager could be difficult. But with patience and understanding, we can successfully navigate the challenges therein.
I stumbled upon a quote by an unknown author. It reads, “Being a parent of teenagers is so hard. But boy, oh boy, being a teenager is hard, too. If we can just step back a moment to remember what it felt like to be in their shoes, maybe it would help us parent with a little more grace and understanding.”
It can be complicated being a teenager. A lot of changes happen at this stage. The change of hormones that comes with new expectations and feelings. The risk to explore new things with the fear that goes with it. The influence of peer pressure. And the strong desire to do things independent of parental control. Jesus was at this stage when the Holy Family embarked on the journey to Jerusalem for the Passover Feast. He was just twelve. When Mary and Joseph noticed he was missing, they discovered they were not perfect after all on matters pertaining to child upbringing. Proper communication could have prevented this from happening. You see, even the Holy Family faced the challenge of parenting. Mary and Joseph definitely played the blame game over the missing child. But that was not the solution. They had to search for Jesus. It is normal for parents to have some misunderstanding over their children. But the safety and wellbeing of the child takes precedence over petty squabbles.
When Jesus was eventually found after three days of vigorous search, his words to Mary and Joseph reflects the words of a teen who desires some independence. He said to them, “How is it that you sought me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?” (vs. 49). Mary and Joseph had to bear this unpalatable response of the teenage Jesus. Mary kept all these things in her heart (vs. 51). However, Jesus went home with them and lived under their authority. And he increased in wisdom and in stature, and in favour with God and man (vs. 52).
Living with teenagers in the same house can be challenging for both parent and child. As the teenager seeks some freedom to explore new things, parents feel the tension of permitting this new transition to independence from their child who was once completely under their care and control. This tension could be scary, and it’s not easy to handle. Parents fear their teenage child might make costly mistakes if given ample freedom. To manage this fear, parents can become too hard and overprotective of the child. And this is exactly what teenagers hate to see – an over controlling parent. Mary and Joseph had to manage this tension. Jesus noticed this tension in them and was sensitive to readjust to gain their trust.
The understanding between parents and their teenage children must be mutual. Much as parents require obedience from their teenage children, parents must also get in their shoes and feel their desire to develop some independence as they mature in age. Sensitiveness to this desire helps to build a cordial relationship between parent and child. Children, especially teenagers must see the loving concern of parents who desire their good and try to compromise certain desired freedom to learn some parental wisdom that would help manage their future plans. There is wisdom in this decision – “And Jesus went down with them and came to Nazareth, and was obedient to them (vs. 51).
Mary and Joseph had to learn to cope with Jesus. And Jesus had to cooperate with their parental love and concern. A holy family is not devoid of mistakes and misunderstanding as it pertains to parenting and child upbringing. Parenting is an art learnt through experience. And in the course of this learning, mistakes will be made. What makes a family holy is the recognition of God’s presence and love that unites and keeps the family together. And the effort of both parent children to cooperate with God’s divine presence by growing together in genuine love, understanding and fear of the Lord. So, parents must not feel they have failed when they have an incorrigible daughter, a son who is a drug addict or a spouse who is quarrelsome. Patience, therapy, and some constructive efforts coupled with prayer could fix these things. As long as the family remains together, things would get better.
The story of the Holy Family reminds parents that they must learn patience, tolerance and love in bringing up their children. Parents must not kick themselves when their child makes a rash and unreasoned decision to do something despicable. The actions of children do not always define or diminish the earnest efforts parents make to see they are responsible. Every point in the developmental stages of a child has a peculiar behavioural pattern. If parents put themselves in the shoes of their children, they will be more tolerant and understanding in helping their children navigate through the erratic stages of adolescence. Parents must not see their children as a burden to bear but as a child to love. For once we consider them a burden, we will treat them with less love and concern.
Every child should emulate the exemplary decision of the teenage Jesus. ‘Go home and be obedient to your parents. For when you do this, you will increase in wisdom and in stature and find favour with God and man.’
May God bless our families and restore every broken home. Amen.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY
Jesus, Mary and Joseph; bless our homes with love, tolerance, understanding and the fear of the Lord, that we may build a home befitting for God’s family and the society at large. Amen.
